WALKING

We Slide From Top To Bottom, Then We Turn & Slide Again.

            About threeweeks ago I went to go visit with Darling and the J Family again. The visit was just lovely. We met at a pizzeria by where they live, and had dinner while catching up on one another’s lives. The picture above isof little Darling, who as you may have noticed does not look like me much anymore (I guess three months will do that to a baby lol).

            However I did not sit down at my computer to tell you about how adorable she and her family are together; which they are by the way! But to sort of say something Iam sure all of you have read on birthmother blogs before. To take notice abouthow “easy” it was for me to return to a normal life.

            When I use the term “easy” I use it loosely in this context, meaning to say that it was not as hard for me to carry on with normal activities anymore. I stopped having“episodes” of crying fits at work, and certainly not at home. I could do my work without having that reminder in the back of my head that I still have something to take care of. In fact I might dare say that if it were not for thepicture I have of her in my apartment and the emails I get, I might notremember at all. And I think it is just wonderful!

            This is oneof the many MANY reasons I know we made the right choice. I don’t have regrets about it, I don’t sit and dwell on the “coulda been’s”. I just wake up in themorning and go to work. I focus on my work while I am there, and on my daysoff, I look for friends to hang out with. Before I would sit and think about itall day and just ferment about every little detail and all the “what if’s”. Butit just doesn’t happen anymore. I just stopped worrying about little details. ANDIT’S AWESOME!

            I guess youcould say that I’m sort of just saying this for other birthparents out there,or potential birthparents. But it is seriously nice to have the “hard part”done with. Don’t think that means that I don’t still have times where I am sad,or wonder how she is, or have weird dreams ß That one’s been happeninga lot. But I don’t have that feeling of “impending doom” anymore.

            It’s been areal blessing for me, and has allowed me to do really well at work. I’ve been focused so much there with the at risk youth at the center, and it’s really started to show with how I handle things. But I feel like I’m getting of topic.

            To wrap itup, I just want to say thanks to all the people who read and have posted linkson their blogs for others. And I’m sorry if any of the terms I used while I was writing this offended anyone. If they did, you should lighten up a little. After all, this is my adoption story, and you aren’t telling it for me. Also…the music for today’s blog doesn’t entirely fit except for the line I posted atthe beginning. Oh well….