Monday, July 4, 2011


Don’t You Think I Was Too Young To Be Messed With,
The Girl In The Dress Cried The Whole Way Home.

            Today is the day ladies and gentlemen. Today is the day that Darling is predicted to be born. I don’t know if she will actually come today, or if she will come later. But I will say that I have been having anxiety attacks for the last week. Sudden and completely overwhelming, the kind that make you want to cry and scream and run all at the same time. And for some reason they always seem to happen when I am at work. But lucky for me I have a job that requires I focus on others, so I usually snap out of it within a few seconds.

            You know how there are stories from some Birthmothers about how for the Birthfather the child didn’t seem real until it arrived? Well I’m sort of having that sensation right now. I almost feel like every thought I have had about Darling up to this point was just fantasy. How will I act when I see her? Will I be able to hold myself together?

            Another thought I have been having recently is about how I think Darling’s mother feels. I have been bitter and angry toward her for this entire journey. And recently I was reading some gospel principles about repentance and read something that made me upset with myself. It said to be forgiven of my sins I must also forgive those who have trespassed against me. And while listening to the song I am using for the post today I started to figure it out a little more.

            So I am letting this go now. I don’t want this dark anger to brew in me anymore. I will breathe a new day and be cleansed for my ways. I loved you once so I’ll do it again.


  1. Man up. Darling's momma needs your support right now, not your drama.

  2. Oh my goodness, she is almost here!!! Thinking of you and praying for strength and peace and forgiveness. Her birth will change your life, but I am confident that you will grow so much through this experience. It will be damn hard (and don't forget- she's your daughter, take all the time you need with her) but it is still a miracle and something to celebrate. Be strong, be kind, let peace come to you and enjoy meeting her. Best to you and Baby Darling's momma as you go through this journey together.

  3. Not entirely sure what you mean by drama.

  4. I am hoping you find some peace. You are headed for one of the most magical, amazing, difficult days of your life. Embrace it. Love that baby with everything you have, and then some. And yes, take the time you need.

  5. I hope you are doing ok.....many people are thinking of you and sending prayers and thoughts. I wanted to let you know that I nominated you for a blog award at