Friday, April 15, 2011


It’s Better To Make Your Mistakes Than To Live Without Knowing

            As you have more likely than not noticed, I have not been posting as frequently or regularly as I was previously to now. Well I’m going to try and explain this a bit to you all, and at the same time try and change the tone from my usual seriousness to something more upbeat and even dare I say… Comical.

            You all know that the journey through adoption is not easy; that it is full of highs and lows, and is a crazy roller coaster of emotion daily, if not more often. I can only imagine the journey for adoptive parents and birthmothers. And I honestly haven’t even begun to think of what it will be like for Darling and other adoptee’s like her that have open relationships with their birthparents. I’m sure that’ll cause some weird situations in the future. Hopefully good ones though. I can see it now, some poor boy trying to grasp the concept of two sets of parents. Boy “Wait I thought your dad’s name is ___", Darling “It is, but I’m talking about my other dad, Benjamin”. Oh what I would give to have pictures of the confused looks haha.

            Well the point there is that like I said, it is a crazy ride. And it’s hard, REALLY HARD! And thus far the emotions don’t just stop coming. Even though I’ve been developing a great relationship with Darling’s adoptive family, and I have been able to get certain concerns known to the agency to be handled (I’m leaving them unnamed on purpose). I still get crazy amounts of scared. Like watching a horror film scared. You know the feeling, your stomach jumps into your chest, that feeling.

            So fortunately (and also unfortunately) for me I have been very vocal and open about the emotions I have been going through. And while it helps in some ways, it hurts in others. Like the fact that because I was posting my emotions three times a week, that meant that three times a week I am having inner reflective thoughts and trying to work through deep emotions. And well let’s be honest here, sometimes you need to bury those for a while. Just deal with them when you are ready instead of trying to force it out. YOU WILL ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU ARE SAD RIGHT NOW!!! Haha.

            Don’t get me wrong, it is pretty therapeutic to get that heavy stuff out there. But when the only thing you ever talk or think about is the heavy stuff it kind of puts a damper on things. Could you imagine only ever watching horror films knowing that they scare you so bad you wet yourself? NO! You need to have balance, gotta get some comedy in there, and even some *shudders* chick flicks. You need to be able to appreciate what you are going through instead of just letting it be the only thing you ever go through. Just like needing the lows to appreciate the highs, you need to have the highs to get you through the lows.

            This next bit is going to sound kind of racist but oh well. It is meant to be funny, not offensive. Going back the analogy of watching a scary movie, there usually is, and always should be, a black lady in the audience. The one who shouts “don’t go into that room, the killer is gonna get you, you stupid blonde white girl!” the moment before one of the main characters gets slaughtered in a sea of blood and or guts. I’ve been having several “black ladies” in my audience. Telling me to stop focusing on all this sadness and difficulty and go in other directions as well. People reminding me that this isn’t the only thing that will ever happen, and life WILL move on, and in the case of one of these “black ladies” that it will be in a great direction.

            So in writing this post I am taking a step toward going back to the funny upbeat guy my family and friends are more used to. Maybe I’ll even start writing jokes again! Time will tell, and we shall see. So until next time, remember folks, always spay and neuter your pets and always drink nutritious and tasty Ovaltine.

            Oh, I don’t really have a song to go with this whole thought process, so I’m just posting a song by an artist I love and want more people to know about. It’s an upbeat song I promise haha.


  1. I have read your blog and maybe I missed it there a reason YOU can't parent Darling? You are still her father. You can do it you know. Just wondering...

  2. the main reason I don't raise her on my own is because of personal belief about the environment I want her raised in. For more clarification please email.

  3. It's okay. I was just wondering. You seem like you would be a great father. Darling is lucky to have you either way :)

  4. Open adoption is a beautiful thing!

  5. *Shudders* Chick flicks. Laughing! You're just the greatest!