Thursday, March 10, 2011


You’re Justified, But There’s No Justice If It’s Just A Lie.

I know that I’m not perfect. I know that there are many things I HAVE DONE that have caused me to be in the situation I am in. I know that because I initially fought the mother of Darling about the adoption that has caused the majority of my problems with the adoption. My point with the original post titled IRE was to let off steam.

Seeing as many had commented on it negatively, and probably even more who thought the same way who didn’t. I guess I will clear a few things up for you.

Yes, the mother of Darling did in fact tell me that I would not be at the hospital at all for Darling’s birth. Not just not in the room. But not allowed in the hospital at all. That I would not be allowed to be present, or see her during that time, and that I might not even see her before placement. Whether or not this will actually happen is another story. And hopefully things will work such that she doesn’t feel this way when the time comes. And yes she did say this to me while we were fighting.

While my blog is public for all to view, that does not mean I share every single detail of my life with you. If you knew me, you would know I am actually a pretty happy guy. I like to crack jokes, and just have an overall good time.

I have no idea what Darling’s mother thinks. I don’t know her side of the story. And it is more likely than not very different from my own. The fact is though, that she doesn’t talk to me. I don’t get a chance to get her view, so I can’t very well keep her side of the story defended because of this.

This blog is written from a point of view that I have been told isn’t seen often, or EVER. There are hundreds if not thousands of blogs written from the Birthmothers point of view. And I doubt anyone ever really attacks a Birthmother for her views. Well I am a Birthfather and can only write from that point of view. I have no idea what sort of things the mother has to go through physically during this whole ordeal. But if I could I would trade her places in a heartbeat. If I could have that child kicking in my stomach, I would. If I could know the joy of seeing my baby that is in my stomach on the screen during an ultra sound, I would take it. But the fact is that I can’t. I don’t get those same experiences. I don’t get the morning sickness. I don’t have the same attachment issues. And I don’t know all the other things she is going through that I am completely unaware of.

What I do know is my own feelings. I know what my own experiences are. I know what my fears are. I know what my joys are. That is all that I know. And that is what this blog is meant for. It is meant to show all the people who read it a view point that “isn’t heard”. So I will not apologize to you for feeling the ways that I do. I will not vindicate you in your actions to take sides. Because this blog isn’t about taking a side, it’s about seeing one.

I cannot speak for anyone but myself. I have no idea what it is like for hopeful adoptive parents to have gone through the agonies that they may have gone through such as infertility, or pregnancy complications. I don’t know what it is like for a birthmother to have to give something that was literally part of them to another person or family. And I have no idea what it is like to find out that you came from a parent that isn’t the one(s) that you have now.

But I do know my side of the story. And I have felt such that it should be shared. It should be shared for any and all to see, in hopes that it might help in whatever way it can. No one forces you to read my blog. And if you find that it is something you do not agree with, then please feel free to close the tab, or browser window it is contained in. But before you do, just remember that you can take it however you want. You choose your own experience.

My regular post will be up later tonight.
Today’s song is meant for everyone to remember that life is not just about you, but it’s a big picture sort of deal. And everyone includes me.


  1. You continue to amaze me. I am so thankful we have become such good friends. I am totally here for you, but you already know that! :) Keep doing what you are doing. You have just as much right to have feelings as any birth mother. You have already touched so many people and will continue to be a strength to those around you. Baby Darling is the luckiest little girl on the planet to have a amazing father like you! :)

  2. I'm an adoptive mother of three amazing kids. So far I have read your blog from the beginning until this post. I'm surprised to hear that you are receiving negative comments.

    I wish my oldest daughter had a birth father who cared enough to have any contact with her. We only know his name. The birth mom does not like talking about him because she was not treated kindly by him. When she told him about the pregnancy he left and has never been heard from again. My only comfort is that we have an open adoption with the birth mom and my daughter can hopefully have all her questions answered by her birth mom about her birth father.

    Thank you for sharing your experiences. I've looked all over the internet for a blog written by a birth father.

    Keep it up!