Friday, March 11, 2011


I Want To Rip Out The Foundation,
I Want The Axis To Rupture.

Seeing as all great SAGA’s come in sets of three, I thought I would just continue on the same idea (sort of) that I had been discussing.
I LOVE ANGRY MUSIC. I just love the stuff. That music that makes most want to have a heart attack, just makes me smile. I understand that not all people enjoy the music that I listen to the majority of the time. I have accepted that I have a larger audience to please than just myself with this blog, and I do keep you in mind when I select the music I post along with each post. So right now I’m going to apologize for subjecting you to music you may not enjoy.

I have been thinking about my taste in music. The fact that I can hear someone screaming something like “I am just a man, with a heart and sinful hands” and only think of how spiritually uplifting it is for me. It seems that most only hear screaming, and not the message behind it. Many people are guilty of this, maybe even you! I know that my parents have been guilty of it. When I first started getting into this type of music my mother would “yell” at me to “turn off that devil music!”. Even though the “devil music” I was listening to was praising the lord and telling others to investigate his love and grace.

This makes me wonder if Darling will take after her father in her taste in music? Will she be like I am and enjoy having a way to daily let out frustration, anger, sorrow, joy, or any emotion really. Or will she be less like me and more like her mother who isn’t really into music at all? The next thing it makes me curious about, is if her adoptive parents will be like mine and not care what the music says because of the delivery. Or will they be open minded and support her in whatever type of things she wants to be part of, as long as it doesn’t compromise here core ideals?

One of my best friends is like me. She loves loves loves hardcore and metal music. And not once has it ever caused her to change her beliefs about Jesus or God. She and I both love listening to someone who feels the same way as us about Satan and God. Satan=bad, God=good!

Let us think of a few different views about why one might not like the same musical stylings as myself. Some think “I don’t understand why you would go to a concert to yell and scream and be angry, where moshpits are present and you could potentially get injured.” For me, I don’t understand why people enjoy going to concerts where you don’t! Even more to the point, what about concerts where the fans do this, because they are “in love” with the band members. Yes I am talking about you Justin Bieber fan! Some might say “I can’t hear the message because the music is so angry.” My response? To each his own. You may lose the message while listening to angry music even if you know it is there because of the music itself. I personally have never really been moved by any hymn, I think this is because there is nothing really musically to back it up dynamically. (for me)

I am getting off subject. My point with this post here was to express a great amount of hope! One of the reasons birthparents place their children is because we want them to have things that we can’t provide, and we want them raised the same way we would if we were able. So I am hopeful that Darling’s adoptive parents can be supportive and always let her know that they love her and that the mother and I do as well.
And after going to my concert last night… I hope that they can also be prepared to have her come home from shows with out a voice waking up in the morning with her chest hurting so much she can hardly breathe! I am very much excited to meet them, and I hope that they are as excited to meet me.

Today’s song is very angry. Please feel free to not check it out, but also know that I love this band very VERY much. I saw them play last night. And though it hurts my chest to breathe, and my voice is gone, it was TOTALLY worth it!


  1. Ahaha! I'm glad you had a great time!

    I've learned that I always, always read the lyrics. The songs that have music that might "please" my ears are many times worse than songs with music that drowns out the lyrics. Listening isn't just listening to the music, it's listening to the words as well. The point is "what's the message?".

  2. this is an AWESOME Blog! Tears to my eyes! I only wish every birthfather could have this amazing insight! you are SPECIAL..really amazing! I would love to have you guest post. email me if you are interested!!

  3. I love every single song you post. Soundtrack of my life. I seriously am considering making a CD of all of these songs. I think you're awesome :)

  4. Hi there. I'm an adoptive mom who found your blog through a birthmother's blog. As an adoptive parent, I would love to have my son's birth father positively involved in his adoption and life. I know a lot of adoptive parents (and prospective adoptive parents) fear the birth father, but more and more of us are learning that his involvement is actually a good thing. I don't know if you have any way to communicate with Darling's potential parents, or if they would welcome it. I hope that they are open to having a relationship with you. It would be good for your daughter. I know my opinion doesn't matter, but please know that many adoptive parents would love to have their children's birth father's in their lives, so don't discount that.
    Thank you for writing and sharing as much of yourself as you do.