Tuesday, March 15, 2011


I Was Always There, But You Just
 Never Knew Where

            I want to start by thanking you. I want to thank my family for supporting me in my decisions. I want to thank my friends for giving me a shoulder to cry on and an ear to yell in. I want to thank my church for giving me the strength and blessings I have needed to be able to make it through this trial. I want to thank my readers for all their concern and hope for things to work. And I want to thank the Jones family for not just wanting me to be a part of Darling’s life, but for giving her all the things I cannot.

            Everybody, let me tell you about Mama-J and Papa-J.

            I can only imagine that they were as nervous as I was to meet. I arrived about 20 minutes early (if you aren’t early, you’re late is my mentality) and sat in a room waiting for them to arrive and our meeting to start. Before my case worker even came to fetch me I noticed while I was playing on my phone that I was literally shaking. That is saying something for me; I’m usually the guy that keeps his composure in an emergency. So you would think that something as simple as meeting two people would be easy to handle. HAH! Right…

            Well as I entered the room there they were, sitting in their seats. I had been nervous about how they would greet me, hoping it would be a warm welcome. Papa-J approached first and extended his hand to shake. I will say my heart sank just a little at that moment, but as I took his hand he pulled me into a great hug! Mama-J didn’t even bother with the handshaking nonsense and just went straight for it! We sat down, got our selves comfortable and let the case workers explain how it was all to shake out.

            We spent the first part of the meeting with me asking the two of them questions, talking about things that I liked about them, and I shared with them that I felt that my Heavenly Father had shown to me that they were the people that NEED to raise Darling. Tears were shed, laughter was had, and to be honest, it was one of the most spiritual moments I can remember. They just emanated pure love. It was so easy to see how much they cared for Darling, her mother, and me.

            I am just so happy to know that I’m being welcomed in to be a part of everything. I feel as though all the stress I was having that kept me up at night, all the anxiety, all the fear that Darling wouldn’t get what I wanted for her, had been taken from me. Like I can stop putting other things on hold. I feel like I can breathe again. It’s funny to me because these two made me feel so welcomed, that I almost forgot who it was that is getting adopted! (Almost ;) haha)

            We spent about an hour and forty five minutes getting to know each other. And up to this point including the 5 minute phone call I had with Mama-J two days later and the text messages sent back and fourth, we have only spent about 2 hours interacting with each other. And yet I can honestly say that I love these two people as much as I love any of my closest friends. And I am very excited to meet their boys! We are going to get into all sorts of mischief. Hopefully, Mama-J and Papa-J won’t think I’m too much of a bad influence ;)

            I had spent a lot of time trying to find a song that would show the joy that I’m feeling, but I just couldn’t seem to find anything that felt just right. I will admit it probably has something to do with the fact that I listen to so much angst filled music. Haha. But in my search I remembered a song that I love very much. Ironically it is the song that I would have chosen for Darling’s mother and I. I actually had chosen it for us but I didn’t want to be the cheesy guy that says “this should be our song”. Well after listening to it again, it feels right for it to be used to express so many thoughts I have toward Darling, and her new family. So I’m going to give you a break down of how I interpreted the lyrics, while I list them because it seems most online resources got them wrong.

If our world falls down tomorrow you’ll be sure I’ll be there with a net. To catch the pieces falling, and I was always there. And I was always there. I was always there but you just, never knew where.

This first verse is me speaking to Mama-J and Papa-J in regards to why they chose to adopt.

Ay-oh Ay-oh I hope you weren’t waiting long, and I hope this night makes up for time lost.

This first part of the chorus is me speaking to Mama-J and Papa-J.

Ay-oh Ay-oh feels like I met you years ago, and we’re picking up right where we left off.

The second part of the chorus feels like Mama-J and Papa-J speaking to Darling.

I’ve considered what it’d be like if the ocean poured in from both of the coasts, and we set sail to find out just where our boat would go. But I don’t think I’d want to know, ‘cause it would just make time so I can see your smile with our brand new life in tow.

This second verse feels like Mama-J and Papa-J talking to Darling.

Ay-oh Ay-oh I hope you weren’t waiting long, and I hope this night makes up for time lost.

This time the first part of the chorus is me talking to Mama-J and Papa-J, and their boys.

Ay-oh Ay-oh feels like I met you years ago, and we’re picking up right where we left off.

(The second part of the chorus the interpretation is the same)

And if I’m on the road for another thousand years or so I hope you know a part of me is at home.

This first part of the bridge is me talking to Darling if she ever feels alone.

Not trading brick for straw in the house I’ve built around my heart.
So when you came I’d be so tough.
 No “huff n’ puff” could dismantle us.
 No “huff n’ puff” could dismantle us.

This second part of the bridge feels like Mama-J and Papa-J, and their boys talking to me and Darling.

Ay-oh Ay-oh I hope you weren’t waiting long, and I hope this night makes up for time lost.

This time the first part of the chorus is me talking to Mama-J and Papa-J, their boys, and to Darling (whenever I will be able to see her)

Ay-oh Ay-oh feels like I met you years ago, and we’re picking up right where we left off.

This final time the second half of the chorus feels like Mama-J and Papa-J talking to just me, welcoming me as a new part of everything.


  1. Just found your blog and read it from the beginning to now. My husband and I adopted our sweet daughter a little over a year ago and I must agree with you that the exact moment of meeting our daughter's birth mom was one of the most intense and spiritual moments of my life. I instantly loved this woman and still do. Your love for Darling is plain to see and kudos to you for being a man and being there.

    A true open adoption is a beautiful thing. It's the best for everyone involved. How can a child have too much love? It's impossible.

    Question for you...when is Darling due to make her grand entrance to the world?

  2. I have just found your blog also....what a touching post! I'm a birthmother and I had a similar experience when I met my daughter's parents. I am so glad it went so well and you feel great about it. It's no easy feat to be a birthparent and I'm even more in awe of you because so many men are not involved in unplanned pregnancies (past the actual creating a pregnancy part). Thank you for sharing your story and viewpoint!

  3. First, I'm amused with your hair cut. :) He he he. Second, they sound wonderful! Congratulations! It makes me giddy to hear how happy you are, you completely deserve it! :)

  4. I am SO happy for you (and Darling's mother)! Isn't it just awesome when you find "The Ones"? So excited for you and your new family :)

  5. I will let you in on a little secret...we were probably shaking too :)! Thank you for this post! JOY is the only word I can use to describe this process so far and we couldn't be happier that each one of us is experiencing some degree of that JOY as we get to know eachother and share in our love for our sweet baby girl. Thank you for your desire to be involved, to do what is best for the baby and for being so honest in how you are feeling along the way.

  6. Super teary-eyed reading this post. I hope you continue to have those spiritual experiences and confirmations throughout your journey. :) I love how songs can just say what we need them to say. Or when we can't find the right words, it just explains it so perfectly. Perfect song choice.

  7. What wonderful news! I am so happy that you can continue to be a part of Darling's life and yes, they are a cute couple. The love and peace my husband and I felt when meeting our little girl's birthmother over 3 years ago is hard to put into words. I wholeheartedly agree with what Stefanie (above) said about hoping to continue to have those spiritual experiences and confirmations throughout your journey.

    More bars in more places- ha ha!

  8. I've never read about the other side of the table! It sounds like you were feeling a lot of the same things as our side! It's great to see that there are people like you in this world! Peace.

  9. Sent shivers down my spine. Thanks for sharing. I'm glad to see that the future adoptive couple is open to openness. They look like a great couple!

  10. I remember sitting in that same room... just waiting... and sharking. As soon as our birth family walked in I thought I was going to pass out.

    I just fell in love with them and was so excited that they got to be a part of our family and raising theirs and ours son.